Former CEO of Goldman Sachs Promises to Protect His Stock Portfolio and Pull Out Before He Cums
10-2-2008
WASHINGTON D.C. - Appearing before Congress today, Scumbag-Extortionist Henry (Hank) Paulson, alias Secretary Of The Treasury, said he would be aggressive and raw in his approach toward servicing the American people. He said during the bailout of his Wall Street buddies he would be dominant with taxpayers but would not rule out violent anal rape if necessary.
Paulson begged to be allowed to penetrate the public without protection so that he can really feel what it's like to be inside Main Street.
"When you're in love there must be trust," whispered Horny Hank.
Paulson who is worth over 700 million (much of it in Goldman Sachs Stock) said he feels a lot of empathy for the little guy who is trying to keep his house and feed his family.
Hammerin' Hank did however acknowledge that He had to take care of his pals on Wall Street first or he would have to spend the rest of his days on his 150-foot yacht, rather than heading up some shady junk bond or investment scheme.
"If you (congress) don't open wide and gimme' the 700 billion I want then we are all in for a tremendous meltdown. I'm not trying to scare anybody into doing something against their will but I'm feeling a tremendous urgency deep in my groin." sensually confessed Paulson.
A traumatized frightened Congress then bent over and let him have his way.
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