Historic Presidential Election Slug-Fest Features an Endless Series of Goofy Boxing Metaphors
11-07-2008
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - The championship bout between dirty fighting, kidney- punching, leathery-old-timer, Senator John McCain and young upcoming heavyweight, Senator Barack Obama was a real barnburner.
From the opening bell it was apparent that the Arizona Senator known to many of his ardent fans as the 'Old White Hope' would be smearing for his life against the younger better-conditioned 'Real Deal' Obama.
As expected, McCain came out bouncing around the ring, full of energy as he captured Kentucky and South Carolina by hitting below the belt. Obama danced and stayed on his toes as he countered with body punches and added New Hampshire, Vermont, Pennsylvania and Ohio.
Then the two sparred and danced around the ring, each taking predictable states.
When the fourth round opened McCain became an Obama punching bag, losing New York and Illinois as well as his bowels before being knocked out by Obama in Western states like Colorado, New Mexico and California.
Obama was crowned the first black heavyweight champion in history.
In his locker room concession speech Mac said,
"I'm shocked to be the first old white, incontinent, Christian guy ever to lose the championship. I really couldn't stick and run like I wanted. And please! Enough already with these Fuckin' boxing analogies!"
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