Backed By Democrat John Edwards McCain Lays Pipe in Alaska and Brags 'This Honey Will Be Great Under Me.'
09-06-2008
ANCHORAGE, ALASKA - In a move that stunned both the Republican Party and his wife Cindy, Maverick Senator John McCain chose the little-known former beauty-queen Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin to be his running mate. "I really nailed this one," said a jubilant McCain.
At a luncheon briefing this morning McCain told reporters, "My friends, I chose Sarah not only because she's an obvious MILF, but also because of her foreign policy experience in dealing with them Eskimos."
According to right-wing observers (voyeurs) McCain nailed his V.P. pick Palin during their one and only intimate 15 minute pre-nomination encounter in a private igloo hot tub just outside of Anchorage.
Here are some of the highlights of their meeting:
Working in a close "bi"-partisan way during the igloo hot tub festivities was former Democratic Senator John Edwards who reached across the aisle for McCain. Also "On hand" in the hot tub were 3 unidentified tall strapping young 19 year-old Eskimo boys and old, wrinkly, double-chinned Orthodox Jew Joe Lieberman. Lieberman is a current Independent Democratic Senator and close friend and confidant of John McCain.
As events in the hot tub "swelled to a climax" the feeble palsied elder statesman Lieberman placed his Yarmulke securely on his head and patiently awaited the signal from McCain.
When his Viagra finally kicked-in Lieberman and his Eskimo boys began to "Surge" forward in a beautifully choreographed and synchronized display of XXX hard-core action.
Just when the Jew Lieberman was about to release and shoot his "Surge" McCain yelled out, "I can't wait to leave Alaska so I can share Sarah with all the tall male, blonde, muscular, bronzed and oiled, handsome uniformed members of the White Aryan Brotherhood throughout America and then the World!!!!"
After a long calming nap The Maverick passionately spoke of the significance of his choice of Palin as V.P.
"My friends, thanks to Sarah today is a historic day in U.S. politics. For one brief ejaculating moment there in the hot tub we were not Republicans or Democrats, Christians or Jews, men or women, old or young, White or Eskimo, Gay (Lindsey Graham) or Straight… or in the case of John Edwards bi, we all "came" together as one! This is my new vision for America."
McCain went on to boast about his running mate's stance on environmental issues saying, "Sarah has called for the Polar Bear to be removed from the endangered species list. She believes that polar bear shit, rather than humans, causes Global Warming.
Besides being the mother of 5, Palin has a 4-month-old high-need Down-Syndrome baby and a seventeen-year-old pregnant unwed daughter.
McCain fielded reporter's questions and praised his running-mate for her great emphasis on "Family Values" saying, "Sarah is one smokin' hot V.P. candidate chick that is giddily looking forward to getting out on the campaign trail and staying away from home as much as humanly possible; and I can't wait to be with her again and again and again."
When asked about the identity of the father of Palin's new baby, both Joe Lieberman and John Edwards had no comment and referred us to the Maury Show.
Before the group went back to their igloo a winking, snickering, and salivating McCain whispered to reporters (voyeurs), "When my male Republican base gets to see more of Sarah through my Internet photo postings they will be aroused and self-stimulated. Then they will see for themselves that Governor Palin is totally "anti-choice" and loves to be handcuffed and gagged!"**
Governor Palin also favors getting drilled in Anwar, a provocative suggestion that McCain said he intends to take her up on as soon as his wife Cindy goes back to one of their 38 homes.
*Note: McCain does not consider the handcuffing and gagging of hot sexy woman to be torture as outlined under the Geneva Convention.
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