Leona's Beloved Maltese Trades the High Life for the 'High' Life
07-19-2008
NEW YORK, NY - When evil billionaire real estate mogul Leona Helmsley died her
Dog, Trouble, was left in a tragic state of confusion and despair. Now free on bail
and charged with drug dealing, money laundering and extortion, the spoiled pooch
has hit crack bottom.
What the outside world saw as a perfect life was in reality very much different.
When Leona was alive, a now destitute Helmsley, was given everything a dog could
want, tropical vacations, limos, gourmet table food, gold chew toys, diamond
studded collars, and play dates with some of New York's elite (including "Trumpy"
"The Donald's" dog) - but this former trust fund puppy freely admits, "that sorta shit
gets old real quick. I was spiritually bankrupt... an empty ball of fur.
Then they told me the bitch left me 12 million bucks!"
It was all trouble for "Trouble" after that. Helmsley went wild, hit the streets and the
club scene. She got mixed up with the wrong people. "I did and dealt all the best
shit New York City had to offer. Coke, heroin, weed, crack, crank, extasy, splif, pills,
eight balls, opium, hash, canine canibus…you name it, I licked, sniffed, chewed,
smoked or shot it."
After her arrest on drug charges Helmsley seemed to have awoken to reality. "I'm
serious man, this is the first real challenge I've ever had to face. Leona always kept
me sheltered from the world - literally on a white pillow. When I got my paws on
those millions I made all the wrong moves."
Hopefully through the Trouble Helmsley story many other naïve dogs
that inherit millions from senile old ladies can be spared the indignity of making the same jackass
mistakes that she made.
"All I wanna do now is beat this rap, get my life back together, and go straight. I'm
through with drugs forever! Tomorrow I start rehab. I swear to god, after this, I will never smoke dope again... got a light?"
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